I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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