OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
