you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
