Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
