Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my poor anus
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
