Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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