my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
