Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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