So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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