he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
