my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
