I puked a lego.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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