my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
