I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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