I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I could make wine with my vomit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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