I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
