dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
