well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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