I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
