When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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