Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
