And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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