What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
