I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
