i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
