I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
