God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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