You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
