didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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