Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
