How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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