Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
