that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
