She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
