wanna go halves on a baby?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
