dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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