Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we made out on top of his cat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
