FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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