ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
