Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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