I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
