theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
