I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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