So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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