We named our party play list daddy issues
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
