You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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