Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
