yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
