I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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