so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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