ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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