Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
