I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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