this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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