The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize