dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
