Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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