I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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