Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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