I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
