I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
