It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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